The Single Mum Who Made It

“I didn’t have the choice when I became single whilst

pregnant. My partner at the time walked away and I couldn’t

force him to stay so I allowed him to keep on walking. My

pregnancy was beautiful but there were times when I felt so

alone especially when watching couples who were excited

together in the hospital waiting areas. I had to stay strong for

myself and my unborn baby and I’m proud to say with the

support of my family I did.” Zara

I’ve met so many mothers who are raising their children alone,

either through a mutual agreement, bereavement or reasons

beyond their control. I know how hard it can be not to have

someone to talk to. And society doesn’t always make it easy.

I was listening to the radio in the car one morning when the

presenter mentioned how children who were being raised by a

‘lone parent’ scored noticeably lower in their exam results.

This hit me hard.

My mum and dad had divorced when I was young and now I

was questioning my own upbringing and that of my own

children’s as I had been a single mum too. Both of them were

doing well, and despite not being seen as ‘academic’ by the

school system, I was running a successful business. I asked a

couple of mothers for their thoughts and we all agreed that it’s

not about your relationship status; it’s more about the amount

of support that you receive throughout your whole education,

both from school and from home. Support ideally should

come in the form of encouragement from both parents, but

this is pretty challenging if you are no longer in a relationship

together.

If you’ve been through a tough break up and then you are

asked to put the words co-parenting and communication into

the same sentence you can automatically jump to the

conclusion that it’s not possible. Sometimes it isn't, but if you

both want it then you can make it work. I don’t have to

communicate with my ex-partner now because my children

are old enough to have their own mobile phones and we have

a clear set time and day routine and that works for us as a

family.

When I asked women who had also raised children alone who

they turned to, many replied how they would find themselves

talking to their baby bumps about their day, and about how

excited they were to bring their precious child into the world

which helped them to refuel their energy and positive

thinking. That is not only precious, but also shows how

powerful a woman’s mind is. To convert all of the insecurities

they were feeling about becoming a single parent into love is

magical and truly inspiring.

The feelings that can come with being a single mum like

loneliness, anxiety and fear of not being accepted can start to

affect you from the moment you walk into the hospital for

your first appointment, through to the birthing room and all

of the baby groups attended.

I would feel nervous when anyone asked me about my

children’s father. I was embarrassed, and I wish I could timehop

and whisper in my ear that it was okay and I had nothing

to fear.

Continued in my next blog.

Alway here.

Clare x