- Clare Bowers
The Single Mum Who Made It
“I didn’t have the choice when I became single whilst
pregnant. My partner at the time walked away and I couldn’t
force him to stay so I allowed him to keep on walking. My
pregnancy was beautiful but there were times when I felt so
alone especially when watching couples who were excited
together in the hospital waiting areas. I had to stay strong for
myself and my unborn baby and I’m proud to say with the
support of my family I did.” Zara

I’ve met so many mothers who are raising their children alone,
either through a mutual agreement, bereavement or reasons
beyond their control. I know how hard it can be not to have
someone to talk to. And society doesn’t always make it easy.
I was listening to the radio in the car one morning when the
presenter mentioned how children who were being raised by a
‘lone parent’ scored noticeably lower in their exam results.
This hit me hard.
My mum and dad had divorced when I was young and now I
was questioning my own upbringing and that of my own
children’s as I had been a single mum too. Both of them were
doing well, and despite not being seen as ‘academic’ by the
school system, I was running a successful business. I asked a
couple of mothers for their thoughts and we all agreed that it’s
not about your relationship status; it’s more about the amount
of support that you receive throughout your whole education,
both from school and from home. Support ideally should
come in the form of encouragement from both parents, but
this is pretty challenging if you are no longer in a relationship
together.
If you’ve been through a tough break up and then you are
asked to put the words co-parenting and communication into
the same sentence you can automatically jump to the
conclusion that it’s not possible. Sometimes it isn't, but if you
both want it then you can make it work. I don’t have to
communicate with my ex-partner now because my children
are old enough to have their own mobile phones and we have
a clear set time and day routine and that works for us as a
family.
When I asked women who had also raised children alone who
they turned to, many replied how they would find themselves
talking to their baby bumps about their day, and about how
excited they were to bring their precious child into the world
which helped them to refuel their energy and positive
thinking. That is not only precious, but also shows how
powerful a woman’s mind is. To convert all of the insecurities
they were feeling about becoming a single parent into love is
magical and truly inspiring.

The feelings that can come with being a single mum like
loneliness, anxiety and fear of not being accepted can start to
affect you from the moment you walk into the hospital for
your first appointment, through to the birthing room and all
of the baby groups attended.
I would feel nervous when anyone asked me about my
children’s father. I was embarrassed, and I wish I could timehop
and whisper in my ear that it was okay and I had nothing
to fear.
Continued in my next blog.
Alway here.
Clare x