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  • Clare Bowers

Something had to change ...

I started to read different magazines, looking for some

guidance. They were filled with gorgeous women who had

managed to get back their beach body sizes within a few

weeks of having their babies, or stunning mothers who lay

next to their adorable sleeping bundles of joy. This was while I

sat nursing my baby who wouldn’t sleep for more than an

hour. I would then read contrasting articles on how women

were overweight and struggling with motherhood. There were

also endless ones featuring celebrity mothers who were all

supposedly struggling to lose the baby weight. They couldn’t

cope with the lack of sleep that new babies bring with them

and their relationships were all in ruins because of the new

responsibilities that came with parenting.



Something wasn’t adding up with me. How could these

magazines get away with making women feel like rubbish?

These images and stories were having a massive impact on the

way I thought I should look, feel and what a mother should

look like. I was the opposite of that glossy picture, so was I

doing it wrong?


Body-shaming articles and the pressure that comes with being

a new mother need to stop before they cause any more

damage. But they never will and it’s because it all comes

down to profit. Magazines know that if they put a front cover

of a celebrity not looking her best, other women will relate

and purchase the issue as way of trying to cope with their own

insecurities.


It seems obvious now that I was envious about the freedom of

my own choices, like what I was doing over the weekend and

how much sleep I was going to have that night, while I was

reading about these mothers. But then I recognised that this

was being controlled from the outside by society through

social media, magazines and TV.


But we don’t need these barriers and we can block them.


One remark about your choice in clothing or behaviour can

knock your confidence down to a level where it’s hard to pick

it up. I was told that I dressed more like an older mum, which

made me question what the difference was? And who decided

what a young mum should be wearing compared to an older

mother?



You need to start questioning if these views define who you

are and what you can achieve in your life. They shouldn’t, but

try telling that to the lady sitting on her own in a room filled

with people confidently enjoying themselves and celebrating

life, who throughout her life has been told that she will never

amount to anything. She believes the words of others because

they power through her own thoughts, and to react against

them she needs energy. Sadly, those people took her physical

and mental energy from her through an endless amount of

nights crying into her pillow, blaming herself for all of the

negative energy she attracts towards her from a guilt that she

can’t let go of. If you could give one piece of advice to this

woman, what would it be? Mine was to let go and look

within.


But how did I get through this personality transformation that

I was experiencing which was overshadowed by the guilt of

not feeling good enough?


As you can imagine, to challenge every thought can be

physically draining, not to mention how mentally exhausting

it is for your mind to dive into every thought in detail, and

then analyse it. I began to drown in my own thoughts, and I

had to stop this before I sent myself crazy. I needed support.

And in fact, it was one of the very things that had turned me

that way, which ended up helping me become myself again.


I turned social media into my saviour and chose more

empowering magazines and books. This guided me into

positive, happy thoughts. I found the right online identity I

needed through the right groups and communities, which

allowed me to start putting back the pieces of who I was. I

started talking to like-minded women who fuelled me with

inspiration and gave me acceptance.


I took a stand and decided that I would read more positivity,

talk more positively, defend my thoughts from negativity and

create the right environment that would fuel my identity as

Clare.


If Clare is strong, mindful and aware, then that means as a

mother I was setting a visibly positive example for my

children.


Thank you for reading.


Always here.


Clare x

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