Something had to change ...
I started to read different magazines, looking for some
guidance. They were filled with gorgeous women who had
managed to get back their beach body sizes within a few
weeks of having their babies, or stunning mothers who lay
next to their adorable sleeping bundles of joy. This was while I
sat nursing my baby who wouldn’t sleep for more than an
hour. I would then read contrasting articles on how women
were overweight and struggling with motherhood. There were
also endless ones featuring celebrity mothers who were all
supposedly struggling to lose the baby weight. They couldn’t
cope with the lack of sleep that new babies bring with them
and their relationships were all in ruins because of the new
responsibilities that came with parenting.
Something wasn’t adding up with me. How could these
magazines get away with making women feel like rubbish?
These images and stories were having a massive impact on the
way I thought I should look, feel and what a mother should
look like. I was the opposite of that glossy picture, so was I
doing it wrong?
Body-shaming articles and the pressure that comes with being
a new mother need to stop before they cause any more
damage. But they never will and it’s because it all comes
down to profit. Magazines know that if they put a front cover
of a celebrity not looking her best, other women will relate
and purchase the issue as way of trying to cope with their own
It seems obvious now that I was envious about the freedom of
my own choices, like what I was doing over the weekend and
how much sleep I was going to have that night, while I was
reading about these mothers. But then I recognised that this
was being controlled from the outside by society through
social media, magazines and TV.
But we don’t need these barriers and we can block them.
One remark about your choice in clothing or behaviour can
knock your confidence down to a level where it’s hard to pick
it up. I was told that I dressed more like an older mum, which
made me question what the difference was? And who decided
what a young mum should be wearing compared to an older
You need to start questioning if these views define who you
are and what you can achieve in your life. They shouldn’t, but
try telling that to the lady sitting on her own in a room filled
with people confidently enjoying themselves and celebrating
life, who throughout her life has been told that she will never
amount to anything. She believes the words of others because
they power through her own thoughts, and to react against
them she needs energy. Sadly, those people took her physical
and mental energy from her through an endless amount of
nights crying into her pillow, blaming herself for all of the
negative energy she attracts towards her from a guilt that she
can’t let go of. If you could give one piece of advice to this
woman, what would it be? Mine was to let go and look
But how did I get through this personality transformation that
I was experiencing which was overshadowed by the guilt of
not feeling good enough?
As you can imagine, to challenge every thought can be
physically draining, not to mention how mentally exhausting
it is for your mind to dive into every thought in detail, and
then analyse it. I began to drown in my own thoughts, and I
had to stop this before I sent myself crazy. I needed support.
And in fact, it was one of the very things that had turned me
that way, which ended up helping me become myself again.
I turned social media into my saviour and chose more
empowering magazines and books. This guided me into
positive, happy thoughts. I found the right online identity I
needed through the right groups and communities, which
allowed me to start putting back the pieces of who I was. I
started talking to like-minded women who fuelled me with
inspiration and gave me acceptance.
I took a stand and decided that I would read more positivity,
talk more positively, defend my thoughts from negativity and
create the right environment that would fuel my identity as
If Clare is strong, mindful and aware, then that means as a
mother I was setting a visibly positive example for my
Thank you for reading.