- Clare Bowers
Mummy Guilt ... It's real.
“I experienced a horrendous amount of bullying growing up,
especially in school. I was made to believe I was the worst
person in the world through the words and behaviour of
others around me. I would tell myself I was too fat to eat chips
or too ugly to have a boyfriend, no one would ever except me
or love me. I now know through a lot of counselling and selfhelp
groups that I’m allowed to love myself for who I am and
not from who I was made to feel I was.” Gina

No matter how big society or influencers around you might
say the impact of becoming a mother will be, we all deal with
this in different ways. But one thing we all have in common is
guilt. Let’s get to the core of where all this guilt stems from
and dive into what impact social pressures, imagery and daily
situations have on your mind, sometimes without you even
noticing.
The fear of failure is already embedded in our minds, as we
grow up in a society that tells us daily if we are winners or
losers.
At school, we get the questions and tasks that are asked of us
either right or wrong. We are marked from local standards set
by previous students in our areas, and national benchmarks.
There has never been the opportunity to set our own
achievements, unique to each of us.
Throughout school I wasn’t even close to achieving what was
expected, so I didn’t push myself in fear of even more failure. I
was gliding along, and as dramatic as this may sound to you, I
felt like I was always waiting for something inside me or
someone around me to show me what my purpose was. For
anyone who experienced a tough time socially or
academically at school, it’s hard not to feel insecure and
powerless in the real world, even with the school’s best
intentions behind you. It’s scary just how much self-doubt and
lack of confidence comes down to school life, a time when
education should be the focus of each day. Sadly, school years
are not always plain sailing. The words and actions of others,
just like in adulthood, can have a massive impact on the
amount of belief and confidence you have in yourself.
I believe that this insecurity of not meeting the standards
society sets carries over into motherhood. But you can turn
this into a positive identity.
The women I meet who experienced bullying during school
are always willing to open up about the challenges and
barriers this created for them during school life, in adulthood,
and especially in motherhood. They all agree that the bullying
added an extra layer of protection that now covers their
children throughout their lives. They are now powerful,
strong and confident women who can stand up for what they
believe in.

Learning to accept that the behaviour of those around you
belong to them and not to your mind is powerful, and can
shift your thinking from negative into positive. The memories
you have will always be hurtful, but the guilt surrounding
them can be lifted when you no longer blame yourself. You
can awaken to the understanding that it wasn't anything that
you deserved for being true to who you are.
Social media is a fantastic resource, but what it’s doing to
some women across the world is without a doubt, a massive
form of social torture. The daily scrolling through the
thoughts, behaviour and actions of other people can bring to
light that ‘I’m doing something wrong’ feeling. You can find
yourself thinking negative thoughts and directing them at
certain people and their posts, often for no reason at all. It’s
poisoning our minds. I once sat thinking that if I put a picture
up of my new car everyone was going to think I was boasting
about my life, and guess what I didn’t post it. Instead I
scrolled through releasing that negative energy onto everyone
else’s posts.
That wasn’t me; what was I turning into? I was behaving in a
way that wasn’t natural to who I was inside. I would see
mothers enjoying their ‘Me Time’ and I would automatically
think badly of them for leaving their babies! What was wrong
with me? Why couldn’t a hard-working mother go out with
her friend without being criticized. I hated myself for feeling
so bitter towards other women’s choices. My identity was now
shaped by resentment.
I didn’t want to be labelled as the woman who, just because
she doesn’t understand a choice that another mother makes,
automatically thinks it to be a negative. To get myself back to
who I knew I was, I needed to examine why I was feeling like
this.
Part two will be my next blog
Always here.
Clare x