Mummy Guilt ... It's real.

“I experienced a horrendous amount of bullying growing up,

especially in school. I was made to believe I was the worst

person in the world through the words and behaviour of

others around me. I would tell myself I was too fat to eat chips

or too ugly to have a boyfriend, no one would ever except me

or love me. I now know through a lot of counselling and selfhelp

groups that I’m allowed to love myself for who I am and

not from who I was made to feel I was.” Gina

No matter how big society or influencers around you might

say the impact of becoming a mother will be, we all deal with

this in different ways. But one thing we all have in common is

guilt. Let’s get to the core of where all this guilt stems from

and dive into what impact social pressures, imagery and daily

situations have on your mind, sometimes without you even

noticing.

The fear of failure is already embedded in our minds, as we

grow up in a society that tells us daily if we are winners or

losers.

At school, we get the questions and tasks that are asked of us

either right or wrong. We are marked from local standards set

by previous students in our areas, and national benchmarks.

There has never been the opportunity to set our own

achievements, unique to each of us.

Throughout school I wasn’t even close to achieving what was

expected, so I didn’t push myself in fear of even more failure. I

was gliding along, and as dramatic as this may sound to you, I

felt like I was always waiting for something inside me or

someone around me to show me what my purpose was. For

anyone who experienced a tough time socially or

academically at school, it’s hard not to feel insecure and

powerless in the real world, even with the school’s best

intentions behind you. It’s scary just how much self-doubt and

lack of confidence comes down to school life, a time when

education should be the focus of each day. Sadly, school years

are not always plain sailing. The words and actions of others,

just like in adulthood, can have a massive impact on the

amount of belief and confidence you have in yourself.

I believe that this insecurity of not meeting the standards

society sets carries over into motherhood. But you can turn

this into a positive identity.

The women I meet who experienced bullying during school

are always willing to open up about the challenges and

barriers this created for them during school life, in adulthood,

and especially in motherhood. They all agree that the bullying

added an extra layer of protection that now covers their

children throughout their lives. They are now powerful,

strong and confident women who can stand up for what they

believe in.

Learning to accept that the behaviour of those around you

belong to them and not to your mind is powerful, and can

shift your thinking from negative into positive. The memories

you have will always be hurtful, but the guilt surrounding

them can be lifted when you no longer blame yourself. You

can awaken to the understanding that it wasn't anything that

you deserved for being true to who you are.

Social media is a fantastic resource, but what it’s doing to

some women across the world is without a doubt, a massive

form of social torture. The daily scrolling through the

thoughts, behaviour and actions of other people can bring to

light that ‘I’m doing something wrong’ feeling. You can find

yourself thinking negative thoughts and directing them at

certain people and their posts, often for no reason at all. It’s

poisoning our minds. I once sat thinking that if I put a picture

up of my new car everyone was going to think I was boasting

about my life, and guess what I didn’t post it. Instead I

scrolled through releasing that negative energy onto everyone

else’s posts.

That wasn’t me; what was I turning into? I was behaving in a

way that wasn’t natural to who I was inside. I would see

mothers enjoying their ‘Me Time’ and I would automatically

think badly of them for leaving their babies! What was wrong

with me? Why couldn’t a hard-working mother go out with

her friend without being criticized. I hated myself for feeling

so bitter towards other women’s choices. My identity was now

shaped by resentment.

I didn’t want to be labelled as the woman who, just because

she doesn’t understand a choice that another mother makes,

automatically thinks it to be a negative. To get myself back to

who I knew I was, I needed to examine why I was feeling like

this.

Part two will be my next blog

Always here.

Clare x