Moving Forward

“I remember coming home after my shower party, overwhelmed by the gifts for my new baby. I was so happy until the room was silent and I realised that even though I had a lot of support from my friends outside my home, that I didn't have anyone to come home to that I could share my excitement with. My husband passed away when I was two months pregnant and I was reminded of this with a quiet house, until our son was born and now my home is never empty.” Jess

Moving forward and staying focused on you and your identity while looking after a family is hard. But remember in motherhood, no matter what your circumstances are, you are never alone. My advice would be to stop comparing yourself to others, and remember these simple points:

  • Motherhood doesn't have to be the only thing you enjoy. Release the guilt about having your own time and enjoying it. Chances are you will still be thinking of your children when you spend time away from them, that’s natural. But you can enjoy these thoughts and remind yourself that you are bringing them up well. Becoming a mother doesn't mean you stop enjoying the things you like to do. You will need to adjust. You can’t go out all night, every night, but you can find ways of having fun that suit your new identity.

  • Open up your heart to self-love and acceptance. You deserve to be loved as a woman.

We have those daily struggles when it seems like our world is crashing down around us. We battle through those times even when we don’t believe there is going to be a positive outcome. We remind ourselves that we do it for our children, when we should also want to overcome those times for ourselves as well. There should be no shame in saying that you want to get through struggles or that you want to achieve new goals for yourself.

I’ve had to face a lot of these daily struggles where staying in bed seemed like the better option at the time. I remember waking up a few weeks after my relationship with my children’s dad had ended and I knew it was time to face the challenge of telling people the truth about why it ended and how I was in a better place. This was despite feeling (wrongly) embarrassed to be a single mum. I allowed people to give me their advice on how I was going to survive and I moved forward taking each day as it came.

Driving yourself forward doesn’t mean pushing all of the fear to one side. Fear doesn’t automatically disappear when it’s asked to. It takes time, confidence, belief and trust. These are qualities that haven’t always come easy for you. This is not because we don’t want to have all of those skills and qualities, it’s because there are so many barriers and obstacles that we are challenged with on a daily basis.

Always here @Clarebowers_


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