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  • Clare Bowers

Mini Meltdown for Me ...



There would be times during my pregnancies, yes all three,

where I could wake up after no sleep, or even a full night’s

sleep, and be in the worst moods. Moods that I thought only I

understood. I was wrong of course. But God forbid anyone

around me who second guessed why I was in these moods. I

would snap at the smallest comment and the behaviour of

those around me. Yes, I loved these people, but they drove me

crazy when I was like this. It was even the way people ate or

the smell of their perfume that got to me. The littlest of things

would just send me into a complete craze of bitterness or

tears.


I remember slowly lifting my head when we were all sitting

around the table eating our family meal and all I could hear

was food being chewed. It was like everyone had

microphones strapped to their teeth. I had to ask them why

they were all eating so loudly. As you can imagine there were

a lot of shocked faces because they didn't realise they were.

My senses were so heightened at that time. And of course

they weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary.




People talk about cravings during pregnancy, but for me it

was these heightened senses, and this also included smells.

Damp made me sick to my stomach. I had to smell my plates

when they came out of the dishwasher because if they had

been in there too long, they would smell noticeably different.

At times I had to scrap food onto another plate, because that

plate didn't smell normal to me. Sounds crazy doesn't it? You

can only imagine what it looks like sniffing plates and cutlery

in your kitchen.


Everything that wouldn’t normally cause a trigger started to

drown me in a state of confusion, tears and self-pity. I’m not

usually one to expect the people around me to nurture my

moods, but at those moments in my life I did. From the

outside it looked like I wanted everything and everyone to

disappear. Sometimes I did want to be on my own with my

own feelings, tears and thoughts, but I also needed support.


It’s like you want everyone to look after you but you can’t

stand anyone being close to you, touching you and trying to

make you feel better about yourself. There were times when I

knew I was to pushing away the people who were closest to

me, through no fault of their own.


My husband and my little sister got the worst of my

meltdowns. I remember a massive argument I had caused

with my sister where she fired back a few home truths. This

gave me a massive wake up call to how I had been talking to

her. This wasn't me and even though we can look back now

and move forward smiling, I do still appreciate the fact that

they stood by me.




Speaking to other women and mothers from all walks of life, I

realise that I’m not alone with feeling like this. Most women

go through a rollercoaster of emotions during pregnancy,

motherhood and life in general. I realised that the way I

bottled it all up until I exploded didn’t help me. Now I open

up about even the littlest of things and I resolve them there

and then. I don't let negative thoughts cost me my family and

the people I love the most. I’m open, I’m honest and that’s

working for me and it can work for you too.


Always here.


Clare.

















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