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  • Clare Bowers

It’s not a race; if it was it wouldn’t work.



Think of the cover, and then think about the barriers that are

holding you back from being true to yourself and finding your

identity. We all have different barriers; mine ranged from

childcare issues to fear of what people would think of me.

Imagine a group of rocks. Each rock represents one of the

barriers that you feel hold you back. Imagine the rocks being

placed around your cover, holding it down. Step by step you

need to find your own way of lifting one rock up at a time,

slowly and at your own pace. It’s not a race; if it was it

wouldn’t work.


The people around you can help you lift those rocks with their

words and their actions, if you let them. Talking about these

barriers will make the rocks feel lighter, light enough for you

to lift the cover of fear. Reading self-help blogs and books and

watching inspirational films will also allow you to see that

you're not alone and there is always someone out there who is

willing to help you, or ways you can support yourself through

even the most demanding situations.


Looking back to that first pregnancy, I wish that I had found

the confidence to speak out to the people around me and get

some help to remove the rocks.

This might be more difficult if, for whatever reason, your

pregnancy may not be what you expected. My sickness left me

feeling like a stranger to my children and family. I felt

worthless because I could no longer be as organised. The

house had derailed and so had I.


There is an overwhelming feeling of being unsure about

everything. This takes its toll, and you can’t think straight, let

alone guide yourself into motherhood, all singing and

dancing.


That’s when you need to stop and take a breath, and okay

here’s your warning; you’re possibly going to cry … But that’s

fine. Sit back and think about the present moment, how are

you feeling? Let those tears flow because we've all been there.

If you can write these feelings down, and feel comfortable

with keeping a log, you can look back on the early days of

pregnancy and see how far your mind and body does

overcome through this experience. It’s pretty amazing.

“Make the most of it before the baby comes.” That’s

something else you’ll have in your mind that can feel

overwhelming, as so many people will say it.


I know it’s said without an intention to scare or cause worry to

a new mother, but it can plant seeds of worry. The last thing

an expectant mother needs to hear from family, friends and

even strangers is that her life is about to massively change and

the things she is doing in the present may not be acceptable or

even doable when her new born arrives. This sets off an

identity crisis as you start to question how the current ‘you’

will fit in with this big change.


And yes, your life is going to change, you know that, and

everyone around you who has become a parent or a legal

guardian to a baby or child knows the impact too. However,

this doesn’t have to be a negative thing. You just need to

remember that focusing on yourself isn’t selfish.


Your environment and wellbeing during pregnancy is a key

priority. Don’t feel guilty about this, as your growing baby’s

health will be a focus within this too.


I understand that keeping your eye on what’s going on in

your life over the lives of those around you can be pretty

challenging. Sometimes it feels like you must put blinkers on,

as they do with horses to keep them focused on the road

ahead, but it doesn't have to be like that. You can help yourself

stay focused by writing daily affirmations, creating a vision

board for yourself and writing to do lists. This always helped

me.


You should not have to worry about the whispers of the

confusing and negative conversations that tend to get stuck in

your mind. Build a protective layer with a strong mindset to

keep your thoughts as your own.


Always here.


Clare.


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