It’s not a race; if it was it wouldn’t work.
Think of the cover, and then think about the barriers that are
holding you back from being true to yourself and finding your
identity. We all have different barriers; mine ranged from
childcare issues to fear of what people would think of me.
Imagine a group of rocks. Each rock represents one of the
barriers that you feel hold you back. Imagine the rocks being
placed around your cover, holding it down. Step by step you
need to find your own way of lifting one rock up at a time,
slowly and at your own pace. It’s not a race; if it was it
The people around you can help you lift those rocks with their
words and their actions, if you let them. Talking about these
barriers will make the rocks feel lighter, light enough for you
to lift the cover of fear. Reading self-help blogs and books and
watching inspirational films will also allow you to see that
you're not alone and there is always someone out there who is
willing to help you, or ways you can support yourself through
even the most demanding situations.
Looking back to that first pregnancy, I wish that I had found
the confidence to speak out to the people around me and get
some help to remove the rocks.
This might be more difficult if, for whatever reason, your
pregnancy may not be what you expected. My sickness left me
feeling like a stranger to my children and family. I felt
worthless because I could no longer be as organised. The
house had derailed and so had I.
There is an overwhelming feeling of being unsure about
everything. This takes its toll, and you can’t think straight, let
alone guide yourself into motherhood, all singing and
That’s when you need to stop and take a breath, and okay
here’s your warning; you’re possibly going to cry … But that’s
fine. Sit back and think about the present moment, how are
you feeling? Let those tears flow because we've all been there.
If you can write these feelings down, and feel comfortable
with keeping a log, you can look back on the early days of
pregnancy and see how far your mind and body does
overcome through this experience. It’s pretty amazing.
“Make the most of it before the baby comes.” That’s
something else you’ll have in your mind that can feel
overwhelming, as so many people will say it.
I know it’s said without an intention to scare or cause worry to
a new mother, but it can plant seeds of worry. The last thing
an expectant mother needs to hear from family, friends and
even strangers is that her life is about to massively change and
the things she is doing in the present may not be acceptable or
even doable when her new born arrives. This sets off an
identity crisis as you start to question how the current ‘you’
will fit in with this big change.
And yes, your life is going to change, you know that, and
everyone around you who has become a parent or a legal
guardian to a baby or child knows the impact too. However,
this doesn’t have to be a negative thing. You just need to
remember that focusing on yourself isn’t selfish.
Your environment and wellbeing during pregnancy is a key
priority. Don’t feel guilty about this, as your growing baby’s
health will be a focus within this too.
I understand that keeping your eye on what’s going on in
your life over the lives of those around you can be pretty
challenging. Sometimes it feels like you must put blinkers on,
as they do with horses to keep them focused on the road
ahead, but it doesn't have to be like that. You can help yourself
stay focused by writing daily affirmations, creating a vision
board for yourself and writing to do lists. This always helped
You should not have to worry about the whispers of the
confusing and negative conversations that tend to get stuck in
your mind. Build a protective layer with a strong mindset to
keep your thoughts as your own.
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