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  • Clare Bowers

It’s as though our purpose has become to compete with each other.

“I found that when I became a mum at 16 years old the people

around me would pity me and there weren’t many

congratulations because in their view that was it for me; I was

now a mum and my sole focus was raising my child, not being

a young woman. Little did they know that becoming a mum

empowered me to want more from my life.” Nicola



Whether you’re a single mum or not, the same insecurities can

creep in slowly like a poison when you find yourself with a

new identity as a parent. You can start to question if there is a

point. I’m here to tell you that there isn’t a point, there’s a

purpose.


All our purposes are unique to our personalities, experiences,

values and lives. My purpose during my low times was

always my children. I wanted them to look up to me as a

loving mother who would move the earth for them and stop

at nothing to create a path for them to flourish on.


This hasn’t always come easy. I don’t think it ever will either.

During pregnancy and early motherhood, my own thoughts,

views and opinions didn’t really exist. But I was always on

time for school pick-up, packed lunches were always done

and my effort in work would never go unnoticed. However,

all of the things in life that I prioritised didn’t include any of

my own needs, and I didn’t even realise that I was slowly

letting myself disappear. What was my purpose?


I was being praised for my excellent time-keeping,

organisational skills, the children’s behaviour, attendance in

school and how I made motherhood look so natural. I didn’t

see notice the barriers I was creating for myself. When you’re

experiencing the same routine day in day out, it’s hard to

think about yourself. Your children are happy and everyone

around you is happy; you assume that you have to accept the

life you have. Why wouldn’t you want to? It was perfect to

everyone looking in. You'll seem ungrateful if you complain,

right?


If you feel that speaking out about your feelings is

complaining, then that’s your first barrier. Never feel like you

can’t raise a voice for your own needs.


Personally, I think that society has created these images of the

perfect woman that are now expected to come with

motherhood. It’s as though our purpose has become to

compete with each other.



One image you’ve got is the mother who's not afraid to show

her real feelings and emotions during pregnancy and

throughout parenting. She’s strong, powerful and embraces

motherhood. She's very strong and stands up for her own

rights as a mother and she's not afraid of who hears or

questions her.


Another image you’ve got is a mother who also embraces

motherhood but in her own style, choosing to keep this to

herself. You don't hear her complain about motherhood or life

in general, she gets on with her daily to do list and would

rather not get involved in any discussions that might cause

conflict.


Within the two you can get a mother who cooks fresh meals

every night and another who admits that she relies on oven

food due to time restraints and fussy children. Then you

might have a mother who never allows TV, compared to one

who relies on it so that the children are occupied while she

gets things done.


It sounds like they could clash. But then I realised that is only

because society made me think they would, through social

media articles and magazines setting these different types of

mothers up against each other.


Both of these images of motherhood should be seen as role

models. They have the same goal and purpose - to love,

empower and inspire their children.


Having another mother as a role model can inspire and raise

you up on even the lowest of days. There are so many women

I look up to, both in my family and in my community. These

women are strong, powerful and very honest. I admire their

willingness to show the world the real images of motherhood,

helping to reduce the expectations that new mothers are being

challenged with.


Thank you for reading.


Always here.

Clare x


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