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  • Clare Bowers

Being in a relationship can feel so lonely ...




There were reasons I didn’t feel like I could have Me Time in

the past. One was shame. My idea was to appear as though I

never needed time to myself, so that people would think I was

coping well and flying through motherhood. I already had so

many statistics against me. I didn’t want to prove them to be

true.


But I had it all wrong. I still needed my own identity, found

only through Me Time.


However, if I was asked to come to something without my

children, the guilt and shame of looking like a bad mother for

leaving them would stop me.


What I didn’t realise at the time is how much I did miss being

on my own and allowing myself to be one of the adults who

could hold down a conversation without having to run

around after my toddlers. You know that feeling when you’re

just getting deep into a topic that you enjoy, to having to exit

without finishing because of something like a potty crisis or a

dispute over a toy.


I also had the issue, like any mother, that I wanted to protect

my children from anything that could cause them harm.

Through this, I created barriers that became too high to be

knocked down easily. And I was adding extra cement to them

through my actions and behaviour.





For me, the loneliness that you experience being a single

mum, and after your children have gone to sleep is a pretty

hard experience to talk about. Having no one beside you to

talk about your day to, and the genuine belief that no one but

your children are thinking about you, does leave you feeling

deflated and unwanted.


Of course it’s not just single mums who can experience this.

Some women who are in relationships can feel just as lonely if

they haven't got the support of their partners.


I found myself making up excuses of why I couldn’t go out

that evening, or why I wasn’t free for that birthday

celebration. The truth is motherhood exhausted me. I put all of

my energy into my children, and I forgot to save some for

much needed time with my friends and with myself. This

may come across as selfish, but it’s true and common for a

woman to crave that ‘Me Time’ that she once had. The stigma

that is around this needs to change. It’s causing women to feel

unappreciated, unseen and unknown. These are all common

feelings and behaviours of post-natal depression. I have seen

the devastating effects on women I hold dear to me, strong

women who for a second took their eye off their own

wellness, and battled extremely difficult emotions which

caused and left their own individual insecurities.


I needed a change. But we all know that when you’re feeling

so deflated it’s easy to go with the flow and not challenge

what is stopping you from taking the right action. I found that

taking small action steps, allowed me to build up the mental

strength needed to stick to a plan of action.



One of my first steps was to take that desired vision inside my

mind and have it out on display every day. This would be my

reminder of what I want and the changes I need to make.


After planning a realistic vision on how you can get your own

‘Me Time’ around motherhood and everyday life, you have to

make it a priority. Yes that might sound unrealistic to you, but

if that’s how you’re thinking now, you must need this time to

happen. You can’t run at such a high level and not give your

mind and body the rest it deserves.


Always here.


Clare.

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