Being in a relationship can feel so lonely ...
There were reasons I didn’t feel like I could have Me Time in
the past. One was shame. My idea was to appear as though I
never needed time to myself, so that people would think I was
coping well and flying through motherhood. I already had so
many statistics against me. I didn’t want to prove them to be
But I had it all wrong. I still needed my own identity, found
only through Me Time.
However, if I was asked to come to something without my
children, the guilt and shame of looking like a bad mother for
leaving them would stop me.
What I didn’t realise at the time is how much I did miss being
on my own and allowing myself to be one of the adults who
could hold down a conversation without having to run
around after my toddlers. You know that feeling when you’re
just getting deep into a topic that you enjoy, to having to exit
without finishing because of something like a potty crisis or a
dispute over a toy.
I also had the issue, like any mother, that I wanted to protect
my children from anything that could cause them harm.
Through this, I created barriers that became too high to be
knocked down easily. And I was adding extra cement to them
through my actions and behaviour.
For me, the loneliness that you experience being a single
mum, and after your children have gone to sleep is a pretty
hard experience to talk about. Having no one beside you to
talk about your day to, and the genuine belief that no one but
your children are thinking about you, does leave you feeling
deflated and unwanted.
Of course it’s not just single mums who can experience this.
Some women who are in relationships can feel just as lonely if
they haven't got the support of their partners.
I found myself making up excuses of why I couldn’t go out
that evening, or why I wasn’t free for that birthday
celebration. The truth is motherhood exhausted me. I put all of
my energy into my children, and I forgot to save some for
much needed time with my friends and with myself. This
may come across as selfish, but it’s true and common for a
woman to crave that ‘Me Time’ that she once had. The stigma
that is around this needs to change. It’s causing women to feel
unappreciated, unseen and unknown. These are all common
feelings and behaviours of post-natal depression. I have seen
the devastating effects on women I hold dear to me, strong
women who for a second took their eye off their own
wellness, and battled extremely difficult emotions which
caused and left their own individual insecurities.
I needed a change. But we all know that when you’re feeling
so deflated it’s easy to go with the flow and not challenge
what is stopping you from taking the right action. I found that
taking small action steps, allowed me to build up the mental
strength needed to stick to a plan of action.
One of my first steps was to take that desired vision inside my
mind and have it out on display every day. This would be my
reminder of what I want and the changes I need to make.
After planning a realistic vision on how you can get your own
‘Me Time’ around motherhood and everyday life, you have to
make it a priority. Yes that might sound unrealistic to you, but
if that’s how you’re thinking now, you must need this time to
happen. You can’t run at such a high level and not give your
mind and body the rest it deserves.