A Mother’s Identity:

Becoming a mother can be overwhelming. You’re blessed with

a life other than your own to protect, nurture and flourish.

Subconsciously you can slip into the routine that naturally

comes along with motherhood, focusing solely on your

children and forgetting about your own needs.

That is what happened to me.

I live for my children. I would do everything in my power to

protect them, but for a period of my own parenting journey I

forgot who I was, and I’m not talking baby brain. I couldn’t

think my own thoughts without my mummy ones powering

through. I would find myself sitting in silence because the

children were taking naps, wondering what I needed to get

ready for when they woke. Sometimes these thoughts came

over and over, like waves crashing onto the shore. This was

natural because my children’s needs have, and always will,

come before my own, which to me is unconditional parenting.

However, I began to miss Clare, the business woman, friend,

loving wife and individual.

I realised that my life, although I loved it, had become a case

of mistaken identity. I had defined myself as, ‘Just a Mummy’,

when there was a lot more about me than that. And society’s

view, that every aim and achievement of a woman is linked to

how they are as a mother, had encouraged this.

The more I talk about my motherhood journey, and not feeling

quite like me within this, the more women I meet who are

feeling the same. These are the women who want to find their

own identity and not the one society has created for what ‘it’

thinks a mother’s role, ambition and daily life should be. I felt

that society, meaning the people around me and the media

with its political and cultural influences, had an expectation

for me as a young, single mum to either fail or struggle.

It seems obvious when I reflect on this, but I wish I could go

back and tell myself: Of course you feel like you’re living a

different identity when starting the motherhood journey -

your body, your clothes, your mind, your priorities, they’ve all


What I experienced wasn’t something abnormal. This was real

and raw. It was a massive learning curve for me, even if it did

come years later and not at the time where it would have

benefited me to know more. But I can share my knowledge


I never look back and regret any of my past experiences; that

was my path and it taught me so many new lessons. But I

want to tell mothers and women across the world, that it’s

okay to be you. Everything you feel and experience makes

you who you are. Never forget the hard times, no matter how

much they still may hurt, they are a massive part of your

journey. They can fill you with the determination and

empowerment to push you towards reaching all of your

dreams and goals. You’ve got to believe in yourself. No one

else can do this but you. I know you want this, as much as I

want it for you.

It is true that you can buy the pram that you’ve been saving

up for, get the nappies and externally prepare yourself for a

baby. But you can’t buy a preparation kit for your body and

mind. This is an area that needs constant attention, and one

that can go unnoticed during pregnancy and the early days of


There is a way around this. I’ve found that to focus on a ‘Must

do for Mum’ list is a way to get ready for this big change. You

can choose what advice you want to take from people and also

listen to your own intuition to make up this list.

After all, everyone in your life will have an opinion to how

you should parent. The experience and advice that family,

friends and even strangers will share with you, is from their

own experiences. So, please take their words as advice and

guidelines, not as your own personal instruction manual on

how to be a mother.

If we live through other people’s words, then our lives

wouldn’t be our own personal journeys. We wouldn’t get to

experience the everyday joys that make us thankful of who we

are and what life has blessed us with. What makes you happy,

won’t necessarily make the person next to you happy, and

what comes easy to you, might be a struggle for others. Most

of the time we don’t even know when our advice is coming

across as a little too pushy. It’s about being an active listener

for another mother, which will benefit her, not to try and fix

things with our own experiences.

Reading my blogs identifies the start of your own journey. Allow me to

take you back to the beginning of mine.

Funded wellbeing support available

#newmum #mumlife #bloggermum #mumblogger

64 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All